How to Stop Isolating Yourself From Others

Spending time alone is a good thing, and some people require more solitude than others. Introverts, for example, enjoy spending lots of time alone and can feel drained through social interaction, whereas extroverts prefer the company of others and are recharged through social interaction. The absence of social relationships is typically considered unhealthy when people spend excessive time alone, particularly when they no longer benefit from time spent alone.  This can mean staying home for days, not talking with friends or acquaintances, and generally avoiding contact with other people.

Isolation is a vicious cycle: we isolate ourselves because we don’t want to be hurt by others who might find us unlovable, but we are hurt even more when we find ourselves alone. Shutting people out is not only a mental decision; our actions, body language, and tone of voice reflect our attitude to others. We are left alone, to our constant relief and sorrow: we aren’t being hurt, but we are not being loved or accepted either. We soon learn that being alone is worse than interacting with others, even when there is a risk of being hurt or abandoned.

Here are a few ways in which you can overcome your tendency to push others away;

1. Identify the root cause of your isolation and determine why you view yourself as unworthy/incapable of interaction.

What is it about being social that scares you? Consider the thoughts that run through your head as you interact with someone. Do you tell yourself that you are unlovable? Do you feel that you will bore, upset, or annoy the other person? Do you convince yourself that you will be hurt or abandoned because you always are or now deserve it? This is not a change that can happen overnight, but simply becoming aware of each thought can make the difference between healing and a further spiral into depression.

2. Try to reconnect with an old friend or someone you have not spoken to since before you began to shut others out.

Once you identify the cause of your isolation and address it, you can reconnect with people again. It may even be better if the person you choose lives far away- you don’t have to worry about being quiet or unapproachable, because if you are, you don’t have to see that person on a daily basis.

3. Talk to a trusted person about your isolation.

Find someone you trust and feel close to and let them know how you are feeling. If they truly do care about you, they will tell you that you are wrong about yourself. It’s important to tell yourself that you are being ridiculous, but hearing it from someone else can have a much greater and more healing effect. Keep your head up, trust yourself to have positive relationships, and remember: if you are human, you deserve love.