4 reasons you need to drop the shame

Shame is a painful emotion responding to a sense of failure to attain some ideal state. Shame encompasses the entire self. If you are human, you have experienced the feeling of shame in your life. It might have been in your family, at work, or from a friend trying to guilt you out in order to get you to do what they wanted you to do. The belief that you are unlovable, unworthy, or otherwise defective can lead to a host of unhelpful behaviors ranging from social isolation to violence, as well as addiction, self-harm, and even excessive weight gain. Too many of us beat ourselves up for not doing better in our careers, significant relationships, or for not taking better care of our bodies and our overall health.

Here are four good reasons to drop the shame:

Shame lies to you

Shame tells you, you are bad and you deserve the criticism you throw at yourself. It tells you to drive yourself harder because you are not disciplined, and, therefore, not worthy of your own respect, much less the respect of others. Shame tells you that if you make yourself feel bad enough for all your mistakes, weaknesses, and failures you will be motivated to be a better person.

Shame makes you “less” than others

When you criticize yourself, you are unintentionally shaming yourself. You don’t think others are stupid or uncaring, but shame can make you feel that way about yourself.

Shame mistakes your behavior for who you are

You are not your thoughts, beliefs or behaviours; as important as they are. We start thinking someone’s bad behavior makes them a bad person. Then, we start thinking that way about ourselves. We forget we are not our behaviours, we are far more than that.

Shame brings out your worst, not your best

You cannot criticize and shame yourself into doing better. To bring out your best requires you to inspire yourself, not berate yourself. If you want to do better you have to feel better about yourself. That’s something shame will never help you do, because it’s designed to make you feel as bad about yourself as it can. Shame will only bring out the worst in you, never the better.