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how to get along with the people you clash with
It can be difficult living or working with people who have very different personalities or beliefs from you. We are becoming so diverse in our workplace and communities that you are bound to interact with people who have a different personality, communication, and cognitive style from you. It might seem that the person is being deliberately defiant. You will wish you could change them. But any effort to try to change them leads to instant frustration.
Here are 4 things you can control as you live and work with people you clash with:
- Understand their motivations better
Part of the reason you might not get along with them is that you expect them to be like you even though they are wired differently. There are many ways you might be wired differently. Some of us are motivated to get results and prioritize tasks over relationships. Others of us prioritize people’s feelings in relationships and only care about the task once the interpersonal interaction feels good. It takes all kinds to get big things done. It can be helpful to familiarize yourself with the many assessments that inform about people’s strengths and preferred modes of communication.
- Understand their limitations
Many people try to stay in a comfort zone because they have an area of perceived weakness and try to work around it. If you can identify what this weakness is you will be better able to predict their behavior and not hit up against their internal wall.
- Give a mutual instruction manual
Instead of trying to guess, ask the person if they could give you suggestions on how best to work with them. Ask them to explain their reasoning to you so you can see it from their point of view. You might learn something new or at least learn how they see the world so you can re-frame your requests of them in terms of ‘what’s in it for them.’ Similarly, don’t make them guess the best way to work with you: give them the instruction manual to how to work best with you.
- Become more independent of that person wherever possible
Narrow their role in your life to functional transactions. Instead of looking to them for approval or involving them extensively in your projects, only interact with them when you have to in order to get a result at work, or to arrange logistics in your personal life. Make a commitment to do what you need to do in order to not have your energy drained by a difficult person, so you can make the contribution you are here to make.
