50 rare secrets to better sex

As sexual beings, we are all aware that a good menu consists of variety of food types, in various forms served with various dishes, eaten with different anticipation. So likewise are sexual menus. It will be discouraging to create special appointment and at the end of the appointment, there are no ‘special dishes’ that are commensurate with the appointment.

One, you have to appear sexy to the taste of your spouse because there are scores of individual childhood and adult experiences that strongly shape their idea of what is and what is not sexy. You must appeal to your spouse’s sex taste bud. A sexy appearance helps condition a mate’s arousal mood.

Two, one of the things a wife must invest in at all times is her ‘undies’ and brassiere, you must be current as to the latest in town. This among many others easily gets the attention of the man any time any day.  Creative lacy skimpy bright colour undies are preferred to grandma type of undies by most men and your cleavage must be well-pronounced with a good push-up bra. It is amazing how some men think a pot belly is desired by their wives. To many wives, the ‘v’-shape of a well-defined abdomen is as tantalizing as the female cleavage especially when you place your boxers or panties a little below your waist line. Placing your pant just above your navel may damp the sexy mood.

Three, if there is one thing that sets a man and woman’s adrenalin and testosterone on fire, it is the act of flirtation. Unfortunately, many couples do this a lot while dating but stop after marriage. Flirtations always predict and hint at the possibility of erotic, passionate and frivolous sexual encounter and this is one of the secret yearnings of many spouses [a recapture of frivolity in their marriage union].

Four, when we flirt, we play with our spouse’s desire for a sexual escapade and set the tone of everything to come.

Five, if you want the appointment to be a night long affair, wrap your arms around each other and kiss at intervals. This caressing adds electricity to the nerves of each spouse. And treat all the erogenous zones with kisses; until you get to this point, you will never know that the feel of a soft mouth of one’s wife or husband against the skin of any part of one’s body can be so wonderfully erotic.

Six, for couples who have been married for long and it seems you are too familiar with your spouse’s body and you crave for some new thing or new experience, right now just try body kissing. This is a wonderful way to surprise yourself and your partner with the after-wards feeling of exploit and being alive once more.

Seven, this spark within moment builds into a fire and sometimes it feels as though a lightning bolt has just electrified your waist and loins and before you can put yourself together, you are out of control. At this moment, the husband should make sure that his wife is also at the same in sex wild mood as he is, this will provide a deep sense of connection and intimacy.

Eight, an unexplainable level of oneness and bonding is created immediately. If your wife finds more sexual pleasure in longer fore-paly, this is the time to give her to the level of her abandoning her body into your arms. Wives, seize this opportunity to whisper what you want into his ears in the sweetest form; direct his hands, fingers and hips to your desired destination. Do not leave any stone unturned.

Nine, if you are more comfortable with the light out, put it off and take this flight with him. Do not use this forum to ask for any financial favour but rather fulfill his sexual demands.

Ten, this type of sex does not only bind, it heals, elevates, re-creates, energises, creates a sense of purposeful relationship and meaningful commitment.

Eleven, the aftermath of this type of sex is always productive; it gives couples room and opportunity to discuss issues that will take their relationship forward. It enables them to preview and review, to tackle unresolved issues amicably and find solutions to challenges affecting every other area of their relationship.

Twelve, watch out for things that can make sexual play get twisted. It’s really common for a night of passion to lead to a day or days of pain because of how bodies intertwine with one another. As much as couples like to slide around, the fact is skin sometimes gets in the way, but we can take care of each one of them in a unique way.

 Thirteen, due to the fact that married couples do some strange sexual stuff, sex-related injuries are very common and many sex injuries happen simply because somebody gets a little carried away.

Fourteen, how common are sex injuries?

Fifteen, from the number of various clients visiting my office, I do have comprehensive statistics of at least one-third of adults suffer some form of injury related to sex each year. While sexual activities are highly physical, like any physical activity, they come with risks of injury. Although many can be prevented with bit of preparations and improved communication between couples, love-making sometimes can really be a battlefield and getting hurt in the heat of passion could be a common problem seldom discussed.

Sixteen, the most common sex injury ranges from a pulled muscle, a back injury to heart attack.

 Seventeen, do you know that penis can break as long as it’s hard at the time.

Eighteen, while an erect penis contains no actual bones, the penis does contain tubes that are filled with blood during an erection. It’s the lining of these tubes that can rupture in response to heavy trauma or bending.

Nineteen, hear what a client describes, “My wife climbed on top. While thrusting her hips back and forth against my trust rhythm, she decided to lean back without communicating this to me and I was not prepared for her quick descent backwards. I knew it was broken.” Oh, it’s so painful. A broken penis is often accompanied by a snapping sound and dark bruising and requires immediate attention.

 Twenty, penile fractures are not actually fractures but rather a hard tear in the tissues of the penis. They occur when the erect penis is bent forcefully; there may be a popping or cracking sound. It affects about 10 per cent of men. Penile fractures are relatively uncommon, so you can still have fun doing lots of thrusting and bending in the bedroom. Just be wary of any quick movement that might bend the shaft excessively; so pay close attention.

Twenty-one, muscle strains are common during any type of physical activity and sex is no exception. Considering the fact that you can burn around 200 calories in a 30-minute sex session, it’s no surprise that many spouses report sex as the cause of many sprain injuries.

Twenty-two, and since sexual arousal can release endorphins that reduce the experience of pain, these couples don’t realise they’re hurt until after sex is over. To help prevent muscle strains, pick positions that are comfortable. If it doesn’t, make small adjustments to the angle of your hips or use your partner’s hands for more support.

Twenty-five, you can also get burnt down below.

Twenty-six, I had one woman who came in because her husband had performed oral sex on her too quickly after eating a spicy meal and drinking spicy ‘pepper-soup’ and she sustained painful sore burns from the hot sauce.

Twenty-seven, common bumps and bruises are what happen daily, in the heat of the moment, it’s easy to smack your head against the headboard or scrape your knees along the carpet. Many of these injuries can be prevented by purchasing lots of pillows and creating a soft nest in and around your bed. Not only do pillows provide padding for soft landings, but they can be used when trying new positions.

Twenty-eight, be careful, objects can easily get lodged in your vagina. When inserting objects or sex toys  into your vagina, smooth-edged toys with a flared base are recommended to ensure nothing gets lost in your uterus. Natural lubricants are also essential to sex play, as they help minimise friction and reduce the risk of small tears that can lead to infection.

Twenty-nine, sometimes these objects can lead to small tears or cuts in the vagina, which can occur when sex is more vigorous and there isn’t enough lubrication.

Thirty, women will often not feel any pain until after sex, because sexual arousal usually raises pain tolerance, but if the cuts are sizable and bleeding doesn’t stop on its own, a woman should seek medical attention to prevent infection.

Thirty-one, lost condoms are a more common affliction for women; make sure you get them out on time. Drinking lots of water and doing stretches before intercourse will help a lot. But if you still get cramps, take a minute to rub your muscles and work them out. Let your partner do it too so that you both can start touching again.

Thirty-two, bone fracture can happen during sex, especially if you naturally do not possess a straight leg or when you are a lover of salt and you take in too much sodium, you may likely be prone to fracture while experimenting with some new sex styles or positions.

Thirty-three, this is because while excess of sodium is removed during urination, it unfortunately takes huge amount of calcium along which makes the bone to be deficient of calcium and may lead to fracture during active sexual play. It is advisable to eat more fresh food, especially vegetables, egg yolks; they’re a good source of vitamin D and calcium. These are crucial for your bones, and then cut back on sodium.

Thirty-four, you may also experience some form of fracture during sex if you take medications like steroids, cholesterol-lowering drugs, some weight loss drugs, and some blood thinners.

Thirty-five, taking soda drinks seems to decrease the density of bones; probably because of the phosphoric acid in them. It is better to just drink a glass of water or homemade juice. And too much of alcohol also slows the formation of new bone tissue, so it is better to stick to healthy wine drink.

 Thirty-six, sitting too much damages the back bones. In order to have healthy backbone for good sexual activities, try looking for opportunities to get up and move, and add weight-bearing exercise to your daily activities such as tennis, dancing, or jogging.

Thirty-seven, cigarettes are bad for your whole body and that includes your bones. Studies have shown a strong link between smoking and a decrease in bone density. And women who smoke make less estrogen, a hormone that’s key to bone health and healthy sex.

Thirty-eight, couples who are overweight rarely will have low bone density, being too thin raises your chance of developing osteoporosis. I am not suggesting obesity is a safe or healthy way of life but consider your bone health before starting a weight-loss programme.

Thirty-nine, sex isn’t a minefield of danger, but accidents can and do happen. So, when you’re imagining how good it will feel, also try to think of how bad it could feel if something goes wrong. Most often, these mishaps are sustained while having sex in non-traditional settings, such as on stairs, over kitchen tables, or in closets, or when trying new sexual positions; it is therefore very paramount to have safety tips at hand.

Forty, so, what are these safety tips you may ask. Most of the safety tips are just common sense. If anything causes discomfort, it should be discontinued immediately and just because something is supposed to be fun, doesn’t mean it works for everyone.

Forty-one, if it’s going to destroy your health, then stay in your familiar territories. Do not push yourself past your own level of flexibility or cardiovascular health, Some people can’t touch their toes while some have been advised by their doctors not to raise their heart rate [following a heart attack or stroke], so when it starts to get physically stressful, they may have problems.

Forty-two, it is wise to watch out for potential danger. I’m not talking about danger of sexually transmitted diseases and infections, and those are dangerous too, obviously: but rather I’m talking about the rug burn, the pulled hair, and the overzealous nipple bite. What some partners may naturally not count as “injuries.”

Forty-three, during rough sex, strange fantasies may send some couples to the hospital. For instance some people say they enjoy hard face slapping, spanking with belt, hard hair pulling, pushing and pulling like a doll; this is definitely a sign of disrespect for the personality of the receiver and it still baffles me how someone would receive reddish swollen marks, scratch and bruises, strain, and still see such acts as excitement of intensity pleasures and arousals.

Forty-four, my question is since when does pain and cracks become a form of enjoyment and relaxation?

Forty-five, don’t expect heart stopping intercourse; it may claim your life.

Forty-six, although at the moment of sexual escapade, it might not seem like you are endangering your heart and life because of the amount of fun you’re experiencing.

Forty-seven, remember that sex is still a form of exercise, with particularly steamy sessions burning over 300 calories in an hour.

Forty-eight, and research has found that the increased physical exertion during sexual activity can actually triple your risk of a heart attack in the hours shortly after it.

Questions!!! Answer!!!

Latent volcano is preventing me from marriage

Latent volcano, that’s the apt description of my fiancé’s temper. He is a nice man and we have been together for close to seven years now and each time we pick a date for our wedding, my parents are always finding one reason or the other to make sure it does not hold. They are torn apart over whether I should marry him or not. Mum says ‘No! If you marry him, he’ll kill you one day; his temper is destructive.’ While my dad says, ‘go ahead and marry, there is no perfect human being anywhere; you’re 42 and shouldn’t be too choosy. With time, his temper will calm down.’ But will it? Truly, he’s loving, warm and generous to a fault except for this latent volcano; should I or should I not?

Hmmm, the act of changing someone does not lie with anyone. Whatever character deficiency you see in your spouse while you are in courtship and you feel you can’t manage, it is better you have a rethink about your choice.  It would be an unrealistic expectation if you expect such character deficiency to disappear in marriage, regardless the level of love he professes for you. As per your parents’ view, it’s good to take advice but the ball still lies in your court, you are the one that is going into that marriage and experience everything in it either good or bad, so you need to make your choice which is, if you think you can cope, then go for it but if otherwise, then you know the option. But bear it in mind that however long the duration of a courtship takes, it cannot be compared to a lifelong marriage. And the emotional trauma of a broken courtship can never be compared with a hypertensive until-death-do-us-apart marriage. A word is enough for the wise.

I have not been able to have penetrative sex due to the pain it causes

This is the third year into my marriage and I am still a virgin. I have not been able to have penetrative sex due to the pain it causes when attempting it. It is always impossible due to my muscles being so tense. Though my husband has been very understanding, thoughtful, and considerate, I am so desperate to have penetrative sex and a baby. I really wish there were drugs or supplement available, which would loosen my muscles and save my marriage.

Mrs Saheed Fatokun

You are not the only one facing such predicament, many other wives have been challenged with such but do recover from it. All you need do is first try and relax your mind. When the mind is relaxed the body relaxes also. Secondly let your husband finger you frequently with lots of lubricants this will soften the hymen and also make the area less tense. Then do not always have the mind of penetrative sex during foreplay or romance just have fun and let things just happen. Besides practice more of pelvic floor exercise.

Funny noises during sex

Sometimes when I am having sex, my vagina makes a noise as if I am passing gas. It is so embarrassing; the noise woke my baby up the last time we had sex. What causes it and how can I prevent it?

Beauty Asukofa

This noisy emission is air escaping from your vagina. When you’re aroused, your vagina expands to allow room for your husband’s penis. His thrusting during intercourse pushes air into you, which fills the space in the inner part of your vagina that has expanded. A shift in body position or a deep thrust can force that air out, resulting in the fart-like sound. It is also possible to let out air post-orgasm, when air is expelled as the vagina returns to its pre-aroused state.

While making a gassy sound can be embarrassing, it is actually common. However, if it is getting in the way of your pleasure, try these preventive tricks:  First, lie on your back and gently press down on your abdomen with the palm of your hand prior to intercourse. This will expel air already present in your vagina. During sex, encourage your husband to make shallow strokes and avoid pelvis-elevated positions like doggie-style, which can increase noisy emission. In addition, a good Kegel exercise normally rectifies this; do not let a little noise restrict your sex life. Just laugh it off.

Questions!!! Answers!!!

My vagina aches nonstop

I gave birth to my first child three months ago. I noticed anytime my husband and I are making love, a part in my vagina aches me nonstop and at times, it aches me and stops. Sometimes when I want to urinate, it aches a little. At first, I felt it was  an injury from the stitches I had after delivery because I was given episiotomy in two places but after sitz bath with salt, I felt it ought to have stopped. Please is it normal?

Obiagheli Silvanus

Hi Obi, you should still continue with your sitz bath and also kegel exercise. Sitz bath should be done as long as you still feel the pain or produce some blood stain discharge from your vagina.

At what stage should a lady start douching?

Every lady in my hostel does vaginal douching. My best friend says it is very helpful and encourages me to do it. I am confused; is it healthy or harmful? At what stage should a lady start douching?

Mimili Jamiu Hamed

The word ‘’douche’’ is French for ‘’wash’’ or ‘’soak.’’ It is a method to wash out the vagina, usually with a mixture of water and vinegar. An estimated 20-40 per cent of women between ages 15 and 44 say they use a vaginal douche, they say it helps to get rid of unpleasant odours, wash away menstrual blood after their period, avoid getting sexually transmitted diseases, and prevent a pregnancy after intercourse, besides making them feel fresher. Douching is not effective for any of these purposes; it can actually increase the risk of infections, pregnancy complications, and other health problems. One study found that douching during the six months before pregnancy reduced the risk of preterm delivery. Overall, the risks of douching far outweigh the benefits. Douching upsets the natural balance of bacteria in the vagina; it makes the environment more favourable for the growth of bacteria that cause infection. Research has found that women who douche have a 73 per cent higher risk of getting PID. Women who douche more than once a week have more difficulty getting pregnant than those who don’t douche. Douching also increases the risk of ectopic pregnancy by as much as 76 per cent. With an ectopic pregnancy, the embryo implants outside the uterus. The more a woman douches, the greater the risk of having an ectopic pregnancy. Douching at least once a week has been linked to an increased chance of developing cervical cancer. You should avoid douching. Having some vaginal odour is normal. However, if you notice a very strong odour, it could be a sign of infection. The acidity of the vagina will naturally control bacteria, and simply washing the vagina with warm water and mild soap is enough to keep clean.

Is it true that women have a harder time losing weight than men?

Is it true that women have a harder time losing weight than men and does one’s genes always control whether one can lose weight fast or not? I have been trying to lose weight to enjoy sex better but all my efforts are not enough. My husband said it is in my gene. Please explain better.

Tope Omolaya

While everyone is different, women typically find it harder to lose weight than men. That’s because men have more lean muscle mass and a higher resting metabolic rate. Also, women store fat differently from men; more of it goes to their thighs, buttocks and hips, where it can be harder to shed. Also the female hormones promote the storage of calories as fat, and fat takes up more space than muscle. Genes can have a great impact on how hard or how easy it is for one to lose weight, but a person’s lifestyle and habits are far more important. Some people are bound to carry more fat on their bodies because of their genes. No matter what their lifestyle choices, they may never be as thin as people with thinner genes. You can offset some of those genetic tendencies, however, and lose weight by being more active. Whatever your weight, good nutrition and regular exercise are important for your sex life and overall health.

I got married not knowing that I was pregnant for my former boyfriend

I got married not knowing that I was pregnant for my former boyfriend. Now, the baby is born for my husband, what do I do? I am in confusion as to what to do because none of them knows about the situation on ground.

Blessing Andrew

I think you first need to pray to God for a divine intervention and wisdom on how to present the matter to your legal husband. Then approach your husband and open up to him, do not hold anything back; tell him the whole truth, nothing but the truth. Then ask him for his decision on the matter, assuring him that his decision is what you will abide with. He may likely suggest you both keep the child and the child bear his name or your former boyfriend’s name, or he may suggest you give the baby to either of your parents, or he may suggest that you give the baby back to the owner or give the baby up for adoption. Whatever the suggestion may be, please be prepared but he deserves to know the truth because the truth will reveal itself sooner or later. It will be chaotic when he discovers this from another source and not from you.

Sex and sports don’t mix

My wife is a sport lady; she plays table tennis for a big club in the state. Ever since she became popular in the game, my sexual need has become a thing of insignificance. Each time I have to plead with her, all she says to me is, ‘Sex and sports don’t mix; I need my energy for my career, we need the money for a better life.’ My need is no longer her concern. What do I do?

Mr. David Ogundipe

Sports stars earn millions, they are well known celebrities. Male sport stars are generally in great shape, however, and this great shape may trigger high level of sexual activity which can actually be detrimental to their careers because of the strain it piles on their joints and muscles on top of their already demanding training schedules. But it has been discovered that this may not be the case for a female sport star. Sex therapists recognise the fact that the situation for female athletes is often very different i.e.; sexual intercourse increases their alertness and readiness to perform. So take time to explain this to your wife with a loving attitude and be her friend also.

I am sick and tired of my wife making expensive jokes about my penis

I think my wife is a sex sadist or what should I say? Each time we want to make love, she naturally derives pleasure in making jokes about my penis: if it is not about the size, it will be about the shape or about the performance or about the colour. She has a way of saying something nasty that will immediately deflate my libido and arousal. One day, I had to beat her up after her nasty joke but she always claims it is a way of getting her in the mood for sex. I am confused; what can I do?

Sunny Kinsley

One of the first-class counsels I give to couples about to wed is never to make jokes about their partners’ sex organs, because the most toxic thing you would want to do to really turn anyone off is to make a funny comment on his penis, her breast or vagina. Partners take this comment and joke very personal and it can affect their total well-being for life. Let your wife know that your penis is like the centre of a man’s world, and tell her every man is so sensitive about it. So if during sex or right before it, she passes funny comments to get herself in the mood for sex, she has not only destroyed your mood but also rejected your person. This is the worst thing she could do to turn you off completely.

Is her money a blessing or a curse?

I met and married my wife while both of us were still in the banking service but due to the fact that the banking system does not allow both husband and wife to work together in the same service, my wife volunteered to resign her job as a banker to go into a small business so as to manage the home front and take care of our toddlers. Things picked up well, the business is doing great. However, we are beginning to have a rift over the money she makes from the business. Though she did not say this verbally, through her actions, I discovered that she does not only hide the gain she makes in the business, she also has been buying lots of landed properties without my awareness in her name or the children’s name. The last time I confronted her, she put up defences that she does not know how I spend my own money, why should she give any financial account to me since it was her money? I think as her husband, I have the right to know how she spends the money she makes, or am I expecting too much? This has greatly affected our sex life to the extent that until I literally beg for sex, she sees no reason why we should have one. But before now, she was the one with high sex drive that I most times had to run away from her sexual demands. What can I do, is her money a blessing or a curse?

Sammy Agifidigo

There is no smoke without fire, so goes an adage. Naturally, many things must have been the reasons for your wife’s actions. We are in a world and system where surprises spring up daily and these surprises either teach some people to be wise or destroy some others. New wives learn some things from their mother’s marital experiences, from fellow friend’s encounters and sometimes even from their husband’s reaction to life challenges and demands. Maybe real-life issues must have facilitated your wife taking such decision, and maybe you are just discovering a new person altogether. The few questions I would love to ask are these, what is your own stand with money issues? Are you honest with your wife over money matters? Do you spend more on your own extended families than your immediate ones? Are you stingy or liberal with money towards your wife when you were better than her financially? What was the agreement while the business was kicking off?  What is your stand about money as a couple? When these questions are answered, then you both can sit and talk as a couple to know the way forward.

By Funmi Akingbade