Woman divorces husband over dirty dishes, glasses

Wife of author, Matthew Fray, has taken their son after divorcing him for leaving dirty dishes in the sink.

Reports by TopNaija.ng showed how appalled he that his wife after 12 years of marriage taking their son with her. Adding to his wound, his wife now dates someone else openly.

However, he claims the mother of his kid did the right thing to have left him. Although, without paying attention to these divorce reasons during their marriage, he felt he was a good husband, say on the contrary that he might not have had the perfect knowledge of what marriage entails.

His writings read, “Just after my 34th birthday, my wife left me, taking our four-year-old son with her. I was utterly devastated. I cried and shouted and blamed her for ruining my life.

“When she started seeing someone new, I was physically sick at the thought of this man playing happy families with her and my boy.

“And yet today, nine years on, I believe she made a wise choice. Given her experience of our 12 years together, she did the right thing by leaving me. When someone feels mistreated and unloved, it’s sensible and healthy for them to consider whether choosing that every day forever is the right thing to do.

“So what terrible thing did I do exactly? How did I mistreat my poor wife? Well…  I often left used drinking glasses by the sink. Occasionally there were plates, too, deposited on the counter just inches from the dishwasher. Sometimes I also failed to put my clothes away and instead left them draped on furniture or even on the floor. That’s what made her leave me.

“The thing is, the glass by the sink did matter to my wife — she hated it sitting there — but it wasn’t just about the glass. It wasn’t about dishes left for her to sort, or laundry on the floor. My wife wasn’t some insufferable nag who had to have her way all the time.

“It was about what these things said to her. And what they said was: I would always choose my feelings and preferences over hers. That she was married to someone who did not respect or appreciate her.

“That while she rarely made a decision without thinking about how it might affect me or our son, I barely ever considered how my actions affected her. That not taking four seconds to put my glass in the dishwasher was more important to me than she was.

“Of course, at the time I didn’t know any of this. I thought I was a good man. I am a good man — but the fact is, good men can be terrible at marriage and frequently are. That’s a harsh lesson but it’s one I firmly believe most — all? — men need to hear.”

Matthew confessed that the divorce instantly brought him to realize his mistakes.

He narrated, “After my wife left me, it felt as though my life was in tatters. While she seemed happy with her new relationship, I was binge-watching Netflix through my tears and self-medicating with vodka.

“One night, things felt so bleak, I phoned a therapist, who told me to start a journal and get it all out on paper.

“So I did — and because I was drunk, I posted it on the internet. That’s how I started blogging about my divorce and how, finally, I started to ask questions about why my wife had left me.

“I read books. I listened to other people tell their stories. And as more and more men started to engage with the blog, I realized how much we all had in common. My wife and I weren’t weird or a statistical anomaly; we were the norm.

“The fact is, when relationships become strained, it doesn’t happen quickly. The strain sneaks in slowly. Most of us legitimately love our spouses and want our marriages to succeed; we’re not intentionally sabotaging our most important relationships.

“The reason we can’t see this is because far too many of us lack the number one ingredient for a lasting marriage. We lack empathy. I didn’t realise my wife was moving incrementally closer to ending our marriage every time she saw that glass, because I stubbornly refused to look at the world from where she stood.

“I think I believed that my wife should respect me simply because I had exchanged vows with her. I loved her but I didn’t regard her individual experiences as equally valid to mine. end result of men failing to empathise or even notice what their spouses are feeling and doing is that wives are left to carry the full burden of responsibility for making the marriage and family work on a day-to-day level”.

In grimace, he added, “My wife spent most of her life working 40-plus hours per week at a day job, only to come home and have to manage and perform the lion’s share of the household tasks, too.

“No one said thank you. My son and I frequently undid whatever nice thing she’d just accomplished (cleaning floors, wiping pee dribble from toilet rims, rinsing toothpaste from bathroom sinks) and I completely failed ever to acknowledge it.”

The fact that both genders are brought up in different ways contributes to several marital issues, the author explained.

“Why do women care more? Not all of them do, of course, but I do believe boys and girls are raised differently and have different behaviour modelled for them.

“Girls are often encouraged to behave in ways that contribute to healthy relationships. Boys, too often, are not. They are not taught that behaviour that’s ‘acceptable’ for boys will inadvertently erode trust in their future relationships. Boys are set up to fail.”

While concluding the narration, he mentioned that he did not realize that the word ‘love’ in the real sense, represents respect for partners and acting on the love, not mere words. And that if he had this knowledge then, the divorce would not have happened.

“In the end, it’s simple. I should have communicated my love and respect for my wife by not leaving tiny reminders each day that she wasn’t considered or respected.

“Loving someone exists in a million little things that say ‘I love you’ more than speaking the words ever could. If I’d worked that out years ago — and how I wish I had — I would still be married today.”