The only justification for dating a sugar daddy

Age is just a number. Love does not age discriminate. You have no control over whom you fall in love with.  These are some of the sentences one comes across when an issue such as age differences in a relationship is being discussed.  But can it really be love when a fifty years old man is in a relationship with a twenty-three years old lady?

For the older partner, the feeling is “what is wrong with falling in love with someone younger if the person satisfies your requirements of an ideal spouse and is more matured than his or her age? For the younger person, the feeling is “no one within my age range can nurture, be as understanding, care for my needs and give me the kind of money and older partner can”. But, for there to be a meeting point between two partners in a relationship with a twenty years age difference (for example), the older partner has to act ten years younger while the younger partner acts ten years older than his/her real age. For the older partner, living younger than your real age is funky and may be some act of rejuvenation but, for the younger partner living older than your real age means sacrificing precious years of youthfulness. Giving up youthfulness is a huge sacrifice, some women who only realized this at age fifty try to catch up by wearing heavy makeup, wigs, miniskirts, and heels but this only adds to the awkwardness of the situation.

I truly believe that people with a wide age difference can fall in love. But, if you are in the relationship with marriage in view there are some factors you need to consider. Fertility issues may arise if either of the partners is too old. A 20-year-old lady who marries a 50-year-old man should know that the man does not have a lot of active years left as she does, so she can as well forget about the let’s grow old together syndrome; he will grow old first while she should prepare to be his nurse. In a relationship with a huge age difference, the older partner will unconsciously often take up the parent role, so you need to decide if you want to be married to another parent of yours or a spouse. In a relationship with a huge age difference the older partner has probably seen a lot of the world than the younger partner is aware of; hence, the time will come when the adventures the younger partner holds so dear will be tagged childish by the older partner. The older partner in most cases already has a child or children. He is also old enough to have a lot of nieces, nephews, cousins and siblings who depend on him and will need his assistance often; this may result in you having to compete for your partner’s attention. Also, sexual dissatisfaction is another major issue that arises when partners with a huge age difference marry. The age difference increases the temptation to cheat on your spouse.

Truthfully, it is the sole business of the two people in a relationship to determine what works for them or what doesn’t. But unfortunately, the Ubuntu nature of Africans makes your business your brother’s business and an outlandish situation such as yours provides an opportunity for people to share their opinions. So, expect loads of tongue lashing and unsolicited advice for and against your relationship. A good question to ask yourself is ‘can I handle such pressure’?

A lot of factors contribute to falling in love but what truly synchronizes two hearts in love are factors that lie within the soul such as beliefs, faith, personalities, values, life vision and purpose. The factors that inform the disposition of our hearts towards certain people sometimes disregard their age, look or where they come from. However, when the age difference in a relationship is too wide it brings up some challenges that could make the relationship impossible. The decision to love is a call to sacrifice, but love can be drowned if the sacrifice it requires is beyond what you are prepared for or willing to bear. Therefore, when deciding on a relationship where there is a huge age difference between the two partners, remember that age is not just a number, it is a BIG DEAL. You must be sure it is something you can handle before you walk into it.

Written by certified relationship coach, Bosun Bankole, #RelationshipCheck is a weekly column published every Wednesday on TopNaija.ng. For further questions or enquiries, please tweet @Bosun_Bankole or send an email to bosunyale@yahoo.com.