how to overcome passive aggressive behaviours

Passive- aggressive behaviours are those key attitudes that underlie passive aggressive behavior–a form of anger in which the aggressive behavior is masked or “acted out” by passive actions. Like much of destructive anger, it can undermine personal relationships, derail careers, and contribute to health problems. Ultimately, passive aggressive behavior enhances feelings of powerlessness and isolation that result from a lack of assertiveness.

Passive aggressiveness is an attempt to regain power and relieve the tension created by that gap between anger and silence. People complain to each other. They withdraw, use sarcasm, and resist the person in quiet, insidiously defensible ways.

Specific signs of Passive Aggression

1) Sarcasm

You make statements that can best be described as “half humor and half anger”–often with a denial of the anger.

2) Silent Treatment

You may refuse to discuss an issue. Your silence may last for minutes, hours, or even years. You simply shut down all communication, without stating how you are impacted or your desires.

3) Being Critical

Being critical may be a “go-to” response when you harbor anger that’s not clearly recognized or effectively managed,

4) Not Following Through On a Promise

Resentment that your needs are not attended to can undermine your desire to please others.

6) Not Expressing Opinions

You may frequently defer sharing your opinion, whether with friends or your significant other. This tendency leads to feeling invisible, a reaction that only further fuels passive aggressive behavior.

The following are strategies you can do to address being passive aggressive;

1. Know Your Triggers. You may not handle every situation in a passive-aggressive manner. Most people have certain triggers that make them show a passive-aggress behavior. Writing about your response to different situations will help you identify a pattern and trigger. Once you have identified the triggers, you can simply avoid them the next time to control your behavior.

2. Be More Expressive about Your Needs. You are not going to learn how to stop being passive aggressive until you make a conscious effort to be more expressive. Understand that you have the right to show how you feel and what you want. Once you start believing the fact that you have the right to express your needs, you are less likely to get affected by others’ opinions. This helps you be more direct and keep you from keeping grudges. To develop that understanding, you have to practice listening to what you really want. You should also take steps to give it to yourself. The idea is to treat your needs, desires, and wants as valid and then experience how good they feel. This will also make you believe that others should treat you in the same manner.

3. Remember that each time you ignore your own desires, you will experience relationships as being unsatisfactory and controlling, versus nurturing and supportive.

4. Be compassionate and recognize that your passive aggressive behavior is an approach you learned to protect yourself from fears of conflict when you were a child. Even though you may feel uncomfortable, you are no longer a child.

5. Begin with small steps, first addressing issues that may NOT be as scary to discuss and, about which, you might share being “annoyed” or “irritated”, rather than “angry”. Remember, passive aggressive behavior will ultimately make others feel anxious and angry, and even less available to satisfy your needs.

6. Learning specific skills to manage your emotions can help you feel more comfortable when expressing your desires or anger. These might include body relaxation exercises, mindfulness, meditation, and self-awareness exercises, regarding feelings and thoughts.

7. Learning assertive communication skills is essential for increased comfort in self-expression. Assertive communication is neither passive nor aggressive, but rather a more authentic sharing of who YOU are.