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On penises and butt cracks around Lagos

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I’m tired of penises and butt cracks.

Seriously, I have lost count of the number of penises and butt cracks I have seen in this Lagos. I’ve seen all kinds of butts and butt cracks too; from hairy ones to blackened ones.

How did I become some sort of penis connoisseur? And how did I become an expert on butt cracks? Contrary to what you might be tempted to assume, I’m not actually sampling them in my bed.

I just go about minding my own business like every other Lagosian and bam! There’s a dick in my face. Just like that.

You people really ought to have some respect for your bodies and some shame for yourselves. There’s no day I pass through the streets of Lagos without seeing some man peeing by the roadside with his pee pee hanging out for all to see.

And after answering the call of nature, they sometimes see you walking in their direction, make eye contact and then shake their wiener vigorously as if trying to expel the last drops of urine.

But all the while they’re looking at you and you’re trying desperately to look anywhere else but at them. Which may be difficult because they’re standing right in the direction you’re walking.

Policemen urinating in public

I’m still haunted by one of such experiences till this very day. I had gotten off a bus at a busstop called New Garage, close to Ojota. I had spied this man peeing from when I was still far away from the spot he was.

He finished his business, waited with his dick hanging out and when I had gotten close enough to where he stood, he shook his penis up and down several times. And he had the guts to wink at me as I finally passed by him.

I was so utterly disgusted, so irritated and I felt so embarrassed by his display that I wished I had the power to make his penis wither and fall off.

Every time I see a man with his feet planted apart, zipper down and penis hanging out, I want to bludgeon him over the head.

Then there are the penises I see under the bridge when exiting the Third Mainland Bridge to Olowu/Sura. Grown men who take their baths in the gardens just under the bridge, fully naked, without a care for passers-by’s eyes.

I know they’re probably homeless and they have no choice. But I’m just tired of accidentally bumping into penises with my eyes when all I’m doing is minding my own business.

As for butt cracks, they’re littered all over the place. Some people leave their trousers hanging so low, all they need do is stretch their arms or bend slightly and you’ll be assaulted by a full dose of yansh.

Some people wear their trousers and underwear hanging so low, their butt crack is bared open for all to see.

Kim Kardashian

There are those who think sagging is still in vogue. If they sit in front of you in a bus, you must keep your eyes straight ahead. If you look down, you’re going to be looking straight into a butt crack.

So yeah, I have seen too many penises and butt cracks and I am sick and tired of it all. It’s like getting unsolicited dick pics in real life; they come from those you’re uninterested in seeing their schlong, and they come when you’re minding your business and least expect it.

Yes, I’ve also seen enough boobs trying to escape out of their confinements and panties that are worn under next to nothing. As for those women, that is story for another day.

Perhaps the government should make a law that allows people who are ‘indecently’ dressed to be picked up and arrested. I remember something like that happening some years ago, maybe it should be revisited and this time, they can haul away penis and butt crack showers.

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