How to attract a woman out of your ‘league’

She drives a 2014 model Range Rover, and you drive a 2000 model Camry. You live in a self-contain apartment in Agege; she lives in a duplex in Lekki.  She studied at Harvard you went to LASU. She is a senior management staff at a multinational, and you are an entrepreneur who no one but your few clients knows. Everything about her speaks elegance and class while everything about you speaks upcoming. Common sense has told you that she is way out of your league but she is so beautiful, and you cannot get your mind off her. What do you do?

What most men will do with their adrenaline boost in this case is walk up to her and request for her contact number. This is a risk because if she doesn’t have an immediate appeal to you she will not oblige you with her contact details or any form of audience. Plus, remember you are not in the league of the kind of men she mingles with daily.

To attract a woman out of your league, you need to have a strategy. First you need to find out everything possible about her including if she is single because you do not want to be putting in the right effort in the wrong direction. You also need to know about her past relationships. Knowing the kind of men she has been with will inform you about her attraction mechanisms. By this I mean the values she is attracted to in men. If you do not possess her attraction mechanisms do not bother with the rest of the process. Then, be sure you have genuine interests in her. You do not want to increase her list of undependable men with your name.

Find common ground with her. Register in the same gym she goes too or go to the same church she attends. Have a friend in common if possible. But, do not become a stalker in the process of finding common ground with her. Remember; you are not a jobless man, you are only trying to get the attention of the woman of your dreams.

Once you have armed yourself with enough information, you can walk up to her and introduce yourself. Do not give an immediate impression that you want more than friendship because her guards will be up immediately. Start the conversation with the common ground you have found, so you can gain some reception from the beginning. For example; walk up to her and say “Hi. Are you not a registered member at the fitness arena?” She is most likely to say “yes”. Then follow up with “I think I have seen you there a couple of times.” Introduce yourself and make an acquaintance.

Although everything about you reads upcoming, before you introduce yourself to her you need to have a revised profile of yourself that is well hyped and polished but true. For example, if you are a Taylor and your shop is at Okokomaiko. You can describe yourself as follows: “I am the owner and lead designer at ‘Stitch to fit Couture’. We specialize in contemporary and corporate wears for the upper class between the ages of 25-40. Our factory is located at Okokomaiko a preferred location in Lagos for nearness to cheap labor and raw materials”. With this statement, you have given a truthful and appealing description of what you do. Value is a game of the mind, and you must play the game to your favor at all time.

You may have done a lot to get her attention but the tougher job lies in sustaining her attention to the point where she sees you as fit to become more than a friend. Do not aim to impress her with money because you do not have enough to do that. Intelligence is the new word for sexy, so show her how intelligent you are. Know as much as you can about her job so you can give her sound advice when she needs it. Never appear needy to her; a successful man exhumes greatness regardless of what his account balance reads. Under no circumstances should you ask for financial favors even if she is your last hope. Do not disrespect her in any way and do not become her Yes Man (puppet) either. You have to be able to make a decision and stand by it because you need her to see you as man enough to be her man. Keep working hard and never stop describing your dreams and well-defined goals to her. Give her an opportunity to see your talents in display; this will make her see how valuable you are to the world.

Show her genuine care; let her know you want what is best for her. Even if she does not eventually accept your proposal, treat her in a way that shows a great man has passed through her life.

Having been her friend for a while, she knows you have good prospects but not so much money. It is a good time to make your intentions known. Tell her how much you love her and wish to be more than just a friend to her. She either says yes, no or says she needs some time to think about it. Congratulations if she says yes. Give her room to consider your proposal if she needs time. But do don’t disappear from the picture while she is thinking about you, you need to keep her reminded of what a fantastic guy you are. If she turns down your proposal, ask her if her decision is final or if she needs some time to think about it. If her decision is final, give her an opportunity to miss you. If she seems not to care at all about you, then you just may not be her man, respect her decision and move on.

The only perfect man who walked on earth was not married. Hence, if you are more handsome, have more money, ride a bigger car or have a better job, you will still not be a man without flaws. Hence, never be afraid to go after the woman of your dreams.

Written by certified relationship coach, Bosun Bankole, #RelationshipCheck is a weekly column published every Wednesday on TopNaija.ng. For further questions or enquiries, please tweet @Bosun_Bankole or send an email to [email protected].