Dunsin Oluwasuji: 5 Women You Should Never Marry

This article is for the unmarried. If you are hooked, and miserably so, you can only wish you had seen this earlier. I empathise with you and wish you reprieve. I am sure that you will agree that it is better to stay single than to be unhappily married. Yes. I will repeat that again for the benefit of the unmarried. It is better that you are nearing Methuselah in age and you’re still single than to be miserable in a marriage. Ask around. You’re the lucky one. Behind many boo, bae and family selfies, many are hurting deeply.

This write-up is to ensure, young man that you don’t add to that mounting population of men shackled in misery. If you are in a courtship, or you are still searching, here are a few categories of women that you shouldn’t take those hallowed marriage vows with- the lengthiness of your singleness notwithstanding:

1. The Street Fighter
   If you have observed in your friendship, your courtship, your whatever, that she is always the aggressor, then you’re advised to avoid this one. The Street Fighter wants to take on the policeman, the ‘conductor’, the neighbour, the prospective mother-in-law…She wants to take on everyone. She even threatens violence, and you’re there, embarrassed and calming her down. You haven’t taken her to the altar? You are so damn lucky. Drop her like a bad habit. Let me tell you a secret, women are of their best behaviour before you take them to the altar. After the ring, then you see the gift box unwrapped, and you know if you got a ruby or a rag. Friend of mine, if you haven’t married her and it’s her against the world already, run! Remember, you need a wife, not Tupac Amaru Shakur.

2. The Lone Wolf
   If you are with her, and you’re the only one that loves her and the only one she loves in return, you both are in trouble. Your babe cannot stand her room mates, her course mates, her church mates, and her siblings, and you assume that this is okay? It isn’t. If she can’t stand everyone and everyone can’t stand her, then she is a Tsunami looking for where to hit. Run. If she has a problem with everyone, she will have a problem with you. I can bet my pension on this.

3. The One with Daddy Issues
   Well, a girl that has daddy issues should be handled with care. You may not have to run away as in the case of the street fighter and the lone-wolf. You may just need to take a few steps away from the relationship to be more objective. Some daddies are just outright obnoxious. There are abusive fathers, rapist fathers, selfish, brutish fathers…Dumping the daughters for the sins of their fathers is double jeopardy that they may never recover from. Watch and pray when you’re getting fond of a girl with daddy issues. If you end up marrying them, then you will be the substitute father, and that may mean that she will give you all the love she never got, or transfer all the aggression she always got from dear dad.

4. The ‘1 ookan’
   Beware of the rigid woman: the one who is unyielding, inflexible and downright stubborn. Run. Communication is key in marriage. If in courtship, talking to her feels like climbing a mountain, chances are that it will get worse in the marriage. Your words will bounce off her. She will make life difficult for you. In marriage, you will need her ears and her heart more than her you know what. Whilst you still have a chance, look for an 8 with beauty, brains and a teachable attitude.

5. The Dumb Rock
   If whilst in courtship, you find out that your woman does not value knowledge at all, then you need to duck. An ignorant woman is a dangerous woman. If she doesn’t value books, she doesn’t value the holy book, she doesn’t value the news, and she doesn’t value discovery channel, CNN and other variants that can help her career, please, run. If all she does is facebook, take selfies, do her hair and her nails, and if the fashion and movie channels are her only channels, then for the sake of the unborn, find a smarter woman. The quality of your marriage will be determined by how well you value, absorb and apply information. A rock, like ignorance, can kill.

If you are already in love with any of these women, thread softly and carefully. Talk to a counsellor and be properly guided, because once you say I do, you have opened the door to constant bliss or unending misery. Choose carefully. Gentlemen, I wish you well.

*Oba Dunsin Oluwasuji is a lawyer by training and a media entrepreneur by choice