5 Reasons why Patience Jonathan should run for Senate

Twitter Nigeria always seeks for a reason to have a meltdown, every other Sunday.

Last Sunday, February 12, 2017, the Nigerian Twittersphere had a meltdown over whether former Nigeria First Lady, Dame Patience Faka Jonathan, should seek election into the Nigerian Senate in 2019.

It all began when Twitter user,  @JajaPhD sent out the following: “The best news I got today is that Dame Patience Jonathan PhD is going to run for Senate in 2019.”

Opinions were divided thereafter, with some calling her alleged senatorial ambition an overreach; shouting down others who were asking Mrs. Jonathan to throw her hat into the Senatorial ring.

It’s a no-brainier, really–Patience Jonathan should run for Nigeria’s Senate in 2019.

Here are five reasons why a “Senator Patience Jonathan” will make a lot of sense:

1. ‘All politics is local’ is more than a cliché

Mrs. Jonathan will represent Rivers East senatorial district in 2019 if elected into Nigeria’s upper legislative chamber.

She hails from Okrika–a port town South of PortHarcourt, the Rivers State capital.

The last time anyone checked, Mrs. Jonathan was still a cult figure in Okrika and most of Rivers State.

Her husband, former President Goodluck Jonathan, harvested most of his 2015 presidential votes from Rivers State, an indication that the Jonathans are a beloved family in Rivers and most of its suburbs.

Mrs. Jonathan has 100 percent name recognition in Rivers and across Nigeria.

If she gets her name on the ballot, with all of the love in her hometown and Rivers, the smart money will be on her winning.

Don’t even bet against it.

Like they say, all politics is local.

Go, Dame!

2. Nigeria’s Senate is a patriarchy

There are only seven women in Nigeria’s 109 member Senate, namely: Rose Oko (Cross River North), Stella Oduah (Anambra North),  Oluremi Tinubu (Lagos Central), Monsurat Jumoke Sunmonu (Oyo Central), Uche Ekwunife (Anambra Central), Binta Garba (Adamawa North) and Fatimat Raji-Rasaki (Ekiti Central).

That, right there, is the motivation Mrs. Jonathan and all other women in Nigeria need to run for elective positions when the next voting dates are announced

A male dominated Senate hasn’t exactly set the country on the path toward development.

So, what exactly are we on about?

3. The Senate needs plenty more drama

Because whatever drama Senators Dino Melaye, Remi Tinubu, Ali Ndume, Peter Nwaoboshi and Senator Kabir Marafa have provided, will pale into insignificance once Patience Jonathan storms the House with her trademark headgear and Iro to match.

Plenary sessions will be lit, because Dame Patience will walk round the National Assembly dome, making a case for why a bill should be passed with a cry that rings something like: “All these bills you people are sitting on….there is God o….there is God o…there is…”

And then she’ll top it off with: “When a former First Lady is asking you to pass this bill  because  you were once  a children…and you aren’t listening…wee you keep kwayet”.

When a bill doesn’t go her way, she’ll let out a: “Chai…chai!!!!”

A Senator Patience Jonathan won’t shy away from addressing the media at every stop and journalists would emerge from her Senate committee briefings, with plenty of quotes, headlines and soundbites.

She’ll give us stories to chew on for weeks.

She’ll give the EFCC (Economic and Financial Crimes Commission) Chairman an uppercut during hearings and make sure there are enough chairs to fly over the place during chair throwing sessions.

Her fists will drive home her points and she won’t need a second invitation to go for the jugular of a colleague.

Just what we need in an increasingly dour Senate.

Someone, please make sure she runs.

4. Patience Jonathan’s grammar will enrich debates

Imagine a debate on resource control with Mrs Jonathan leading the line.

“If anyone say this bill shouldn’t be passed…stone that person”, she’ll begin. “Listen, my fellow widowers, we all were once a children of the Niger Delta…we can’t abandon him now”.

Mrs. Jonathan’s grammar is a rich mix of pidgin and colloquialism. It’s a listener’s delight.

Not since Hon Patrick Obahiagbon would we have an entertainer in colourful language like Dame Faka Jonathan would guarantee at the National Assembly.

We’ll all make a beeline for the National Assembly during plenary because of Mrs. Jonathan.

The people of Rivers East would be depriving the rest of Nigeria of plenty entertainment if Mrs. Jonathan’s name isn’t on the ballot in 2019.

What a shame that would be!

5. Patience Jonathan will make every other Senator dress properly

Mrs. Jonathan’s dress sense is one to behold.

You should watch her pose for photographs with sunshades to match.

She’s a gaudy goddess when in her elements.

You should watch her catwalk along the senate aisle as she makes her way to her seat.

Like her husband did with his famous transformation agenda, Mrs. Jonathan will completely transform fashion in the national assembly.

Every other Senator will ape her fashion style. Nigeria needs this woman more than she needs Nigeria. Let’s all make “Senator Patience Jonathan” happen please…for the culture.