how to start loving yourself

Quite often we do not like ourselves because of our perceived inability to follow through, achieve goals, earn enough money, or reach a certain level of success. Much of this dislike comes from looking at what others have and viewing ourselves as inadequate because we don’t have it. Our tortured childhoods, devastating relationships and many other reasons we do not like ourselves do not matter. Life is a constant struggle, these things all may be true but there is only one person whose good opinion really matters, You!

Regardless of all of your perceived flaws and failure, you have only YOU. Life is not about achieving some outward standard of success, achievement, or physical perfection. It is about becoming more and more of who YOU are.  The most life-changing thing you can ever do for yourself is loving yourself.

Here are some thoughts on how to begin;

1. Acknowledge

Acknowledge the life-altering importance of loving yourself. Recognize that everything good in your life hinges on seeing your own unique beauty and worthiness. Accept that all of your life successes, all love and acceptance, all happiness, begins with embracing and loving who you are right now.

2. Refocus

Refocus your attention away from flaws and failures and on your uniqueness and positive qualities. Define those for yourself, even the smallest positive aspects you see in yourself, and write them down. Review them every single day. Remember that these qualities are as much or more a part of you than your flaws.

3. Redefine

As you work to accept yourself as you are, you can also define the best version of yourself that is not yet fully expressed. This ideal self should be based on who YOU are authentically, not crafted from the influences of peers, parents, the media, or anyone else.

4. Choose

Carefully choose your friends and associates so you surround yourself with loving, real, caring, and supportive people. These are people who reflect back to you the beautiful qualities they see in you. Open your eyes to be able to see yourself as they see you and to accept the validity of their assessment.

5. Envision

Envision yourself as your own best friend. Begin to see your higher self as the best friend taking charge and talking to your wounded self. Use words of approval, support, reinforcement, and praise. Don’t let your wounded self be the spokesperson for your psyche.

6. Explore

Set aside time to learn more about yourself, your personality, aptitudes, interests, etc. Take assessments, workshops, courses, read books and blogs. See yourself as an interesting multifaceted package to open and explore. Go beyond how you look, what you have achieved, how much money you have, etc. Find out what moves you, what brings you deepest joy.

7. Accept

Accept what you cannot change about yourself. There are some parts of ourselves that we cannot fix and there are only two options here. You can forever struggle against those unchangeable things, or you can grow beyond them and choose the path of self-acceptance. Having these unchangeable things does not have to condemn us to a lifetime of unhappiness. They will dissolve and dissipate if you don’t focus on them.

8. Change

If there are things you can change and want to change about yourself to become more of your ideal self, then embrace the privilege to effect change. Define the actions that change requires. Break the actions down into small and manageable goals. Every day, give yourself one small goal as a gift. It is a gift your higher self is offering from love and the desire to move you closer to your ideal.

9. Patience

Learning to love yourself requires patience. If you see how the entirety of your life experience hinges on self-love, you will be tenacious and determined to love yourself.

10. Practice

Just as it takes practice to maintain a healthy and loving relationship with your spouse or child, it takes the same practice to maintain your love for yourself. You must remain actively mindful of it every day. Maintain your focus on your unique and beautiful qualities. Continue to make small and purposeful steps toward who you really are. Acknowledge and celebrate those steps. Reflect gratefully on all that you have and all that you are in process of becoming.