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How to please yourself before others
You absolutely should not try to please everyone all the time. It is just not worth it. Not only will you begin to live your life according to someone else’s standards and deplete yourself of any sense of happiness or enthusiasm. As long as you’re doing the right things with a good heart, that’s all that really matters. Being a people pleaser puts you at risk for becoming resentful, losing your sense of self, and for not being able to share your thoughts and feelings openly. You also can become a doormat by letting people walk all over you leading to a loss of self-respect and self-value.
Here are a few steps to take on how to please yourself and be happy;
- Uncover your fears
Before anything else you need to figure out what you are afraid of. Once you know what you are defending against you will be able to work through these issues, which most likely stem from your past.
- Learn to say “No”
The word no has a negative connotation most of the time, but it’s actually a way to set a boundary. It’s hard to say no, and sometimes we can’t, but drawing the line in the sand when we need to is a healthy practice, and it lets other people know our limits.Whether you say yes and then actually follow through, or you later fake an illness to get out your commitments, you’ll never reach your goals when you can’t speak up for yourself.
- Speak Up
People pleasers tend to have a hard time expressing themselves openly and honestly. It is scary to share your feelings when you think they will cause conflict or drive the other person away. So often people sit back and say nothing when something really needs to be said. You will need to work on speaking up for yourself and taking a stand if necessary. It may feel harsh at first, but you will get used to it soon enough.
- Know who your dealing with
If you have been a pleaser for a while then the people in your life will be used to it. Some will automatically respect your new way of relating, but others will resist it. If there are people who simply cannot accept your limits and boundaries, then you might want to rethink these relationships. Some relationships work for a reason, but the reason is not always healthy.
