How to become more trusting

It has become more and more difficult to remain vulnerable, trusting, and open to life in this era of uncertainty and a disrupted family life. Trust issues are something we all have, yet no one can really pinpoint the one event in their life that made them become completely unable to trust another human being. When someone breaks our trust, it is a devastating experience. Betrayal is one of the worst feelings in the world but not everyone in this world is out to get you, so you have to quit treating them like they are.

Allowing people to get to know the deeper parts of you will to lead to much richer relationships. While it is true that opening yourself up may get you hurt, it will also strengthen the connection you have with the best people in your life. Holding on to your pride is only going to make you old and bitter. Let your walls be knocked down, and watch how much more enlightened you will become. If someone hurts you, well at least you now know they are no good for you. Meanwhile, the truly good people in your life will love you all the deeper for allowing them to see the real you.

See 12 ways you can expand the radius of trust around yourself. A radius of believability, safety, and compassion;

1. Suspend your own position and gain understanding. Be open and never rigid. When someone challenges your view of life, business, politics, religion, or any other deeply held value or belief, listen and consider what they are saying. Let the other person know that you value their contribution. Defensiveness destroys trust and communication.

2. Admit your mistakes. Everyone knows how important this is, but few of us practice it. We tend to defend all of our decisions simply because they are ours. But when you decide to think, act, or feel a particular way and are not getting the results you desire it is time to look for the mistakes you are making. Sometimes the mistakes are obvious and we deny them. Other times we need to dig deep down within ourselves to find them. But when we do find them, we must admit them and make a conscious effort to correct them if we want to build trusting relationships.

3. Admit your fears. In most cultures fear is considered a weakness and we have learned to convert it to anger. For some reason, anger is more socially acceptable than fear. A quick way to destroy trust is to direct anger at someone else. The next time you feel angry at someone, ask yourself why. What’s really under the surface? Is it fear? Insecurity? Most of us never confront and admit our underlying fears which destroy trust.

4. Never intentionally hurt someone. People usually do this with spoken words intended to discredit someone. Other times they do it in vengeance. Some even call it justice. Intentionally hurting other people will never satisfy your emotional needs; it will only deepen your wounds. If you have a conscience, you will carry guilt and lose trust in your own judgment. If others learn of your attacks, the distrust will spread. The reasons you see so few people of integrity in politics are: people of integrity do not want others attacked in their name and they do not wish to have their families smeared. Debate ideas, but don’t smear people.

5. Keep agreements, commitments, and promises. Do this both in the spirit and the letter of the agreement and people will put their trust in you. People will defend you because they know you mean what you say. Do not make agreements, commitments, and promises lightly. Do and mean what you say.

6. Embrace differences. We fear and distrust the things we do not understand. Many times we don’t understand something because it is unusual, foreign, or new. It could be a different language, different values, different style, different music, or a different lifestyle. But if you embrace differences, you will learn to accept and trust others as they are and more often than not they will return your trust.

7. Embrace disagreement. But do it in a honest and intelligent way. Your willingness to accept disagreement shows others that you trust them and care about finding the best solution. It shows that you know they are trying to find the best solution too. Look at disagreements as an opportunity to learn something new. Your willingness to embrace disagreement will show others you value their ideas and opinions even when you may not agree. People will feel safe discussing important issues with you.

8. Be willing to ask others for help. We all need other people. We can’t go it completely alone because we can’t know and do everything that needs to be done. Some people believe asking for help is a weakness. It is not. If you learn when and who to ask for help, it will become one of your greatest strengths.

9. Listen to and consider criticism. This is hard for most of us, but if you trust that others only criticize when they believe you can do better, you will become less defensive and expand your radius of trust. There is always something to be learned from criticism, warranted and unwarranted. Consider it, accept it or reject it and move on.

10. Have open free flowing dialogue. Never try to dominate a conversation. Listen to what others are saying, give them time to talk, don’t interrupt, and when they are ready to end the conversation, let it end. People will be more likely to engage you in conversation because they know you are listening and attentive to their cues. Free-flowing dialogue encourages communication and builds trust. No one likes to be dominated.

11. Accept people for who they are. Never demand they play a particular role. Actors play roles, real people live their lives. Unless you are a film director, don’t expect people to be anyone except who they are.

12. Sit down when you interact with people. Sitting shows that you are giving people your full attention and time. Standing, pacing, checking your watch sends the message that you don’t value the interaction and that you want it to end as soon as possible. Sitting down and actively listening builds trust.