Entertainment
5 Ways to move past disappointment and hurt
A lot of us might have been told words that sting, handled experiences that crumple our self-esteem, and met people who let us down or left us feeling defeated. But what you do with that hurt is probably more important than the hurt itself. Would you prefer to get back to being an active liver of life? Or do you prefer to ruminate endlessly about the past and something that cannot be changed? To move past disappointment and hurt, try these tips:
- Have empathy for the other party.
It’s not always easy to identify and understand what’s hurting you. Some people even stay in abusive relationships because it’s safer than acknowledging their many layers of pain. Cruel words, destructive behavior and thoughtless actions all stem from a dark place in the other person. Recognize this, then forgive them.
- Recognize what the offense for what it is
Is it intentional? Is it unintentional? Is it a misunderstanding? Usually your gut reaction is a good indicator of what you really think. However, listen to the truth behind that reaction to make sure it’s not an old one coming up from your past. Choose to respond intentionally instead of reacting instinctively.
- Forgive yourself.
We may not have to forget another person’s bad behaviors, but virtually everybody deserves our forgiveness. Sometimes we get stuck in our pain and we can’t even imagine forgiveness. If your confidence is down, you might beat yourself up for not being stronger, for the role you played in the toxic situation, or for choosing a relationship with someone who hurt you. Forgiveness is a way of tangibly letting something go. It’s also a way of empathizing with the other person, and trying to see things from their point of view. Aim to understand the roots of your actions and forgive yourself.
- Express your pain.
Express the pain the hurt made you feel, whether it’s directly to the other person, or through just getting it out of your system like venting to a friend, or writing in a journal. Get it all out of your system at once. Doing so will also help you understand what specifically your hurt is about. While you may not have had the same amount of responsibility for the hurt you experienced, there may have been a part of the hurt that you are also partially responsible for. Are you an active participant in your own life, or simply a hopeless victim? Will you let your pain become your identity?
- Decide whether the offending words or actions have merit.
If you were fired for poor job performance, get real with yourself. If your work really was poor, own that. Take steps to improve, or decide on a career change. You might also conclude that the firing was not warranted. If it wasn’t, make a list of your professional successes such as happy clients, and focus on surrounding yourself with colleagues who appreciate your skills and work ethic.
